It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize