The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
