She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize