she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize