well you can't waste a boner
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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