yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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