He asked me if I "almost moaned"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
