That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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