Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
