I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
