i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
