my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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