Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
there is puke in my bra ... again
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
