That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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