now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you traded sex for a burrito?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
