He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
