They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
