porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
