I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
