Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
