I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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