i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
