R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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