So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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