I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
