Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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