he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
