Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
