I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
