someone get that fucking seahorse.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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