i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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