i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
