i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
