You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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