Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
