Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
