none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize
