it was like his penis was on wheels.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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