I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
