So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
