nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
