We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize