She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
