Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
