im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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