remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
