The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
