i need an iv and a liver transplant
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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