i may or may not be watching the land before time
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
