if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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