Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
