ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I understand Curling. That high.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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