i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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