She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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