I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
