My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
