He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
