When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize