u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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