At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
