Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
