I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize