did you get engaged???
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
