These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
