if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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