theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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