Pappa wants mamma naked
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
