He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
