am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
