Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
